“I’m clean.” “I’m pretty tidy.” “I don’t like mess.” You have probably heard all three. Maybe you have said them. The problem is that they mean nothing without context. Two people can both call themselves “clean” and still end up fighting over a chopping board.
"Clean" Is Not a Standard, It’s a Story
When someone says “I’m clean”, they are telling you a story about themselves - how they like to see themselves - not giving you an objective standard. For one person, “clean” means no visible rubbish and no mould. For another, it means floors vacuumed weekly, surfaces disinfected and no clothes on chairs.
Research on household labour shows that people often underestimate the work they do and see their own level of contribution as “fair”, even when it is not shared equally (Carlson et al., 2016). In shared housing, that same bias shows up as “I already do enough”, even when your experience is very different.
Where Cleaning Fights Really Start
Most cleaning arguments are not about one catastrophic mess. They start small:
- Dishes that “soak” for days in the sink.
- Bathroom floors that are always slightly damp and never really wiped.
- Hair in the drain that no one claims.
- Takeaway boxes living on the counter long after the meal.
At first, you let it go. Then you quietly start doing more of the work yourself. Over time, that unpaid, unrecognised labour becomes resentment: apparently, I’m the only one who cares.
Why "Are You Clean?" Is the Wrong Question
When you ask a potential roommate “Are you clean?”, they answer based on their own internal standard. You hear it through yours. You both walk away thinking, “We’re on the same page.” You are not.
To avoid that gap, you need questions that anchor to behaviour, not adjectives. That is exactly how Domu Match approaches cleanliness.
The Domu Method: Behaviour-Based Cleaning Questions
Instead of asking people to rate themselves as “clean” or “messy”, we ask questions like:
- "How long do dishes usually stay in your sink?"
- "How often do you clean the bathroom (toilet, shower, sink)?"
- "Which best describes your room most of the time?"
- "How stressed do you feel when shared spaces are cluttered?"
Those answers map directly to day-to-day reality. They also give you neutral language to talk about expectations with potential housemates. You can explore those patterns in detail on your Domu Match compatibility report.
Questions You Should Ask in Real Life
Whether or not you use Domu Match, steal these questions for your next viewing:
- "When you say you’re clean, what does that look like in a typical week?"
- "What was the cleaning system in your last place? Did it work for you?"
- "How do you feel if someone leaves their dishes until the next day?"
- "Who usually notices mess first - you or the people you live with?"
Listen less to whether they say the “right” thing and more to whether their answers are specific and realistic. Vague answers now usually mean vague effort later.
Agree on Systems, Not Just Standards
Even if you do not perfectly agree on what “clean” means, you can still live together if you agree on systems:
- A rota for bathroom and kitchen cleaning.
- Ground rules like “no dishes left overnight” or “clear counters by the next day”.
- What happens if someone consistently does not pull their weight.
Domu Match makes it easier to build those systems because you are starting from aligned habits. You are not forcing a neat freak and a chaos goblin into the same kitchen and hoping for the best.
References
Carlson, D. L., Hanson, S., & Fitzroy, A. (2016). The division of child care, sexual intimacy, and relationship quality in couples. Gender & Society, 30(3), 442–466. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0891243215626709